Do You Know a Bad Driver? Let’s Give ‘Em Their Own Lanes!

Bad drivers know no budgets

Bad drivers know no budgets

Inspired by Honda’s newest advertising campaign, I have a theory I’d like your help proving:

Everybody knows somebody who is a bad driver.

The person I know is my grandpa. More on that, and the laughable irony behind it, later.

First, I have to wonder why people never admit to being the bad drivers. Folks are sure quick to point out if they live with one. Or are related to one. Or shared the road with one on the drive to work this morning.

Whether they admit it or not, bad drivers abound. Now there’s news that a scientific reason might be able to explain their existence. Researchers at the University of California, Irvine, say they might have discovered a gene that contributes to people driving like morons (not their exact term).

This might seem like an opportunity to crack a joke, and say that we’ve always known what gene creates bad drivers: the same gene that creates females. But I’ll never stoop to the level of that joke. Especially since, in my own family, my wife has never run her car into a stationary pole. Like I have.

So perhaps you should cut the bad driver in your life some slack. He may have a genetic disability that makes it harder for him to remember basic driving rules, such as applying the brakes when the light turns yellow. Or not colliding with poles.

Instead of yelling at these people and calling them names we’d never want our children to repeat, maybe we should open special driving schools for them and give them special (extra wide) driving lanes with 20 mile-per-hour speed limits.

We could even require genetic testing before driver’s licenses are issued. When people test positive, they could get a special placard to hang on their rear-view mirrors. This would give them access to the special lanes and make them feel important, while the rest of us benefit from having the driving outcasts separated from their driving superiors.

My grandpa would definitely get a placard. I would rank him as the worst/scariest driver I’ve ever ridden with. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong when his tires scrape the curb at 40 miles an hour.

And that laughable irony I mentioned? He drives for a living. A school bus. And he has a commendable safety record.

Maybe, and thankfully, the gene turns off when the safety of kids is at stake.

Tell us about the worst driver you know. If it’s you, please speak up! And feel free to keep things anonymous.

-tgriffith

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