This Thursday, the United States Men’s National Team will take on Germany in one of the most important 2014 FIFA World Cup matches thus far. Both teams have their own futures, plus those of Portugal and Ghana, largely in their hands. While the USA’s Jürgen Klinsmann and Germany’s Joachim Löw have both garnered high praise for their teams’ performances thus far in the tournament, we thought there was still a little room for improvement. We came up with starting lineups we hope Klinsmann and Löw will consider, lest the USA or Germany suffers the same fate as England and makes an early exit after not taking gearhead advice.
Goalkeeper: Mercedes-Benz G-Class
The Mercedes is just about the only thing out there capable of covering as much of the goal as Manuel Neuer. Bring it on, Detroit.
Left Back: Audi S8
Big, strong, fast and powerful, the S8 is exactly what you want in a defender. Not even Benedikt Höwedes could fend off a challenge as well.
Center Back: BMW M6
The new kid on the block is looking to make a splash, just like Mats Hummels did in his first World Cup match. With a 4.4-liter, twin-turbo 8-cylinder pushing out 560 hp, do the American strikers stand any chance of getting by?
Center Back: Porsche Cayenne
Big and bulky like Per Mertesacker, the Cayenne rockets to 60 in 4.3 seconds. Not a bad quality in a center back.
Right Back: BMW Alpina B7
The B7 is classy, flashy and a downright speed demon. At $132,000, it’s a bargain compared to the €13.5 million Bayern shelled out for Jerome Boateng (and there’s no way Boateng is packing 540 hp). If Joachim Löw wants a defender that can do it all, he knows to call Alpina.
Defensive Midfielder: Mercedes-Benz SLS-Class
Stuttgart did it first with Sami Khedira and then again with the SLS. Quick in the corners, the Mercedes still has enough power to jet straight across the pitch whenever needed.
Defensive Midfielder: BMW M3
The M3 is the complete package, much like Toni Kroos. On the smaller side (at least compared to the American midfielders), the M3 does not lack the power and precision needed to create chances. Look for it to be one of the most dangerous cars on the pitch.
Defensive Midfielder: Volkswagen GTI
The GTI is the logical choice to take the captain’s armband from Philipp Lahm. They’re both small, quick and full of passion. Like Lahm, the GTI has led its class for years and is versatile enough to both stop the opposing team and create dangerous chances for Germany.
Left Wing: BMW 2 Series
Like Mario Götze, this small machine from Bavaria packs a powerful punch. 0 to 60 in 4.3 seconds? It should have no trouble slipping past the American defense.
Right Wing: Porsche 911
Mesut Özil may be the second part of Germany’s current “magic duo” (the other being Götze), but the real second half of the magic duo is the Porsche 911. Like Özil, it’s fast and nimble. A quick pass from the nimble 2 Series, and the 911 will easily swing one right into the back of the net.
Center Forward: Audi R8
The Audi R8 is nothing short of a legend, perhaps even more so than Thomas Müller. The R8 is an example of understated brilliance. It will be able to get behind the American defenders and wreak havoc before anyone even notices.
Goalkeeper: Ford F-350 Super Duty
The Tim Howard of automobiles, the Ford F-350 is just a massive vehicle, and it’s everything you’d need to stop anything the 911 or 2 Series throw its way.
Stopper: Jeep Grand Cherokee
The Grand Cherokee not only brings more than enough size to plug up some of the holes on defense, but it brings insane acceleration and speed to the last line of defense.
Sweeper: Ford Fiesta ST
An American designed in Germany, like Fabian Johnson, that adds some finesse to the defense, an important attribute when dishing the ball away from the American side of the pitch.
Left Back: Cadillac CTS-V
Like DeMarcus Beasley, the CTS-V is fast enough to be an attacker, but has the power needed to play good D. The Germans better be ready for when the CTS-V speeds up the left side of the pitch into the attacking zone.
Right Back: Tesla Model S
Every defense needs an endurance player, and the electric engine of the Model S gives it amazing fuel economy with a 97 mpg equivalent. Also with its aluminum and boron steel body, it’s one of the safest players out there – hence the Matt Besler comparison.
Defensive Midfielder: Ford Focus ST
The Focus ST is from Germany. And who else is from Germany? Jermaine Jones, that’s who. Plus the Focus has good handling, good safety, and good performance – what else could you ask for in a defensive mid?
Defensive Midfielder: Chevrolet Camaro
Now we start getting into the more offensive positions, and with the German defense as suspect as it is, the U.S. strikers can get some pretty good chances. The American attack is all about speed and power, and that is exactly what the Camaro brings to the left mid.
Defensive Midfielder: Chevrolet Corvette
A little faster and a little more powerful than the Camaro, the Corvette can bring the attack to the German D like Michael Bradley.
Attacking Midfielder: Dodge Challenger
Putting some decent power on the attacking mid, the Challenger is big enough to disrupt the German Defense and prevent them from moving the ball up the pitch – pretty much Bedoya’s role.
Striker: SRT Viper
Finesse, speed and horsepower: The Viper brings everything you’d need to get around the M6, S8 and G-Class. If the ball can get up to it, the Viper can assure the ball will get close to the net. Zusi or Altidore comparisons are encouraged.
Striker: Ford Mustang
The captain of American cars and the crowd favorite, the Mustang is easily the Clint Dempsey of the American team. The German defense does not stand a chance.
Do you think the USA or Germany would win in a Car World Cup match?
-jharrington and zwaller
Used Mercedes-Benz G-Class
Used Audi S8
Used BMW M6
Used Porsche Cayenne
Used BMW Alpina B7
Used Mercedes-Benz SLS-Class
Used BMW M3
Used Volkswagen GTI
Used BMW 2 Series
Used Porsche 911
Used Audi R8
Used Ford F-350 Super Duty
Used Jeep Grand Cherokee
Used Ford Fiesta
Used Cadillac CTS-V
Used Tesla Model S
Used Ford Focus
Used Chevrolet Camaro
Used Chevrolet Corvette
Used Dodge Challenger
Used SRT Viper
Used Ford Mustang